SCARED TO DEATH

We have a court date now the 20th of october. Then i will no longer be a guardian of two beautiful kids, but always a mother that cared. The ironic thing i find is my birthday is on the 23rd. I will be 20, its like a new decade of my life a new start. That isn't what i want to talk about however, i want to talk about the birth father is being retarded he says he wants them if they're is but doesn't believe me. If he fights it and is proved that he is a good father and stuff he can't have the kids. I know he can't give them a life they desserve or he would be doin it with all his kids. My mom says don't worry, because she talked to the lawyer who says that he has done a lot of adoption cases and there has only been one that he had a problem with. he explained that they get a panel of lawyers and have a case.

update

I haven't given up my rights yet. however, we did send out the petition. the dad is being a jerk about it he says he wants a paternity test and if he is the father he dosen't want to give them up. what i wanna know tho is why he wants them when he can't take care of his first two children. I'll be damned if i let his mom raise my kids. She didnt do a good job raising him what makes her think i'll let him raise my kids. fat chance. i'm doing okay tho dealing with post-partem, but that is normal. the babies are 4lbs now got shots and stuff. don't know exactly when they are goin home tho but the are doin fantastic.

Change

I'm trying to change my life im trying to change my life. I wanna get right with my life if not for anything just to prove to my kids that i did the right thing and i am somebody. its hard tho i try and its like something happens and i remember i just gave up two beautifull babies that i made and carried and now don't get to enjoy the pleasures a mom does. then i remember back when i was little and what it was like. it was so hard i would get in trouble for no reason for something i didnt do all the time more then normal kids i would get spanked to the point i wanted to die. i remember the feeling of having my first birthday with out my mom wit my grandparents who tred but didnt replace the feeling i had from my mom leaving. i am so glad i got adoppted and her and my family have made my life the best they can. i appreciate it so much.

Love

The greatest  gift God gave us was his son. That he loved us so much that he gave his only begotten up for us. I never understood that more then i do now. Three weeks ago i gave birth to two beautiful babies a precious boy and girl. even tho i love them more then anything in the world i gave them to a familiy who could no longer have children. Even tho i am sad i know i made the best decsion for those babies. I know now why God dave up his son now. He knew it was what was best for all his children.THE GREAEST GIFT OF ALL IS LOVE. No matter what kind of love it is the greatest gift specially that of a parent.

About me

Hi! My name is Angel, and this is my story. I was born october 23, 1990 to a Theresa Cookitha Carson. I don't know much about her she left me with my grandma at a young age. My grandma was sick she had diabetes and leukemia. She died when i was young. I didn't go to they funeral; I didn't want to go. I realized then life goes on. I was put in foster care. Eventually, I terminated my parents rights. I was then adopted by an awesomely smart and loving lady named Debbie Smith. She raised me for eleven on. We have a big familiy i have ten aunt and ten uncles and a ton of cousins and a few second cousins. I also have two kids that I gave up for adoption. The smartest and most difficult thing i've ever done. I love them to death. Thomas and Ruby where born at 29 weeks; after 28 hours of labor they did a c-section. I had preeclampsia and didn't get to see them for a whole 24 hrs because I had to stay on bed rest. I stayed in the hospital for almost 5 days after. After which I stayed at a hotel with my mom. Since I was giving them up for adoption I was trying to relocate to Virginia, where all my family is and the family that adopted the twins. I didn't make it tho. I'm blogging this because I think its a good way for me to express myself.